Emily Elephant: Jag älskar dig, mamma och pappa! (I love you, Mummy and Daddy!)
Mummy Elephant: Dags att gå till lekgruppen, Emily! (Time to go to playgroup, Emily!) Här är din barbära dator. (Here is your laptop.)
[shows a yellow rotary dial telephone]
Emily Elephant: [using her laptop] Vad sa du? (What did you say?)
Miss Lion: [roars] RAAAH! YOU WERE NOT LISTENING!
Emily Elephant: Förlåt. (Sorry.)
Miss Lion: We'll introduce ourselves. Use many interesting adjectives, as we will write this down. Emily, you're first.
Emily Elephant: Jag är Emily Elefant. Jag bor i en fastighet med min familj. Min favoritfärg är lila. Min familj är extremt rika. (I am Emily Elephant. I live in an estate with my family. My favourite colour is purple. My family is ultra wealthy.)
Miss Lion: Peppa Pig, you're next.
Emily Elephant: [sings Beautiful, Dirty, Rich by Lady GaGa in Swedish while she uses her laptop]
Peppa: I am Peppa Pig. I live in a house on a hill.
Miss Lion: Emily, turn that laptop off right now! [roars] RAAAH!
Peppa: My favourite colour is yellow and I can speak Swedish and Japanese.
Emily Elephant: [singing] Pappa, jag är så ledsen, jag är så s-ledsen, vi bara gillar att festa, ja, som till fest, ja, bang bang, vi är vackra och smutsiga rika (Daddy, I'm so sorry, I'm so s-sorry, we just like to party, yeah, like to p-party, yeah, bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich)
Miss Lion: Suzy Sheep, you're next.
Suzy Sheep: I am Suzy Sheep. I am Peppa Pig's best friend and my favourite colour is blue. I can speak French.
Emily Elephant: Jag bang bang, bang, jag bang, bang, bang, jag bang bang bang, vacker, smutsig, rik. (I bang bang, bang, I bang, bang, bang, I bang bang bang, beautiful, dirty, rich.)
[10 minutes later]
Miss Lion: We are going to draw a picture of something that expresses your creativity You will have five minutes.
[5 minutes later]
George: Dibujé un dinosaurio, Señorita León! (I drew a dinosaur, Miss Lion!)
Miss Lion: I know. I'm not blind. Class, you won't go to the thinking chair if you misbehave.
Miss Lion: Calm down. You will miss recess and get spanked.
Miss Lion: In our maths, we will be exploring the three times tables in multiplication.
[cuts to everyone at recess]
Mummy Pig: [riding her bike] Peppa has an appointment! [crashes into the toddlers' classroom]
Toddlers: Eek! Too scary!
Madame Gazelle: Peppa is in Miss Lion's class.
Mummy Pig: [takes off her hide jacket and reveals a silicone dress] Peppa! I have a lawyer! Let's go home!
[cuts to Peppa at home]
Mummy Pig: I stole all of the Elephants' money and became an ultrabillionaire! I hired a lawyer, got a modern house built on the Lions' lot, hired bodyguards, bought a 65" flat screen OLED TV and...guess what? I got a chat video with Lady GaGa!
Lawyer: Hello. If you have issues tell me.
Peppa: There's this girl at playgroup called Emily Elephant. She speaks Swedish and calls me names.
Lawyer: Don't let her call you names. Tell your teacher.
Mummy Pig: I was filed a lawsuit because from the Brazilian government because of ©. [calls Cherie Pig] Cherie, look after Peppa.
[Cherie Pig enters]
[The phone rings at Emily Elephant's house]
Cherie Pig: Your credit card has been declined.
Mummy Elephant: [checks the mailbox] £679,00000 bills.
[cuts back to Cherie and Peppa hugging each other]
Cherie: Do you want to dance?
Cherie: [turns the TV channel to PTV]
Samara Pig: I want vodka.
Cherie: NO! NO!
Peppa: Hold that thought - let's play a game.
Samara Pig: [drunk] What game?
Lady GaGa: [off-screen] A LoveGame.
Peppa Pig: RAAH!
Lady GaGa: Raah, ah, ah, ah, Roma, roma, ma, ma, ma, GaGa, ooh, la, la, want your bad romance
Peppa Pig: Get lost!
Lady GaGa: OK. [appears on-screen wearing her meat dress]
Peppa Pig: GET LOST!!!!
Lady GaGa: NO! NO!
Peppa Pig: GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!
Cherie Pig: GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [eats the meat dress]
Lady GaGa: [changes into her Mickey Mouse bodysuit and Minnie Mouse sunglasses from Paparazzi]
Samara Pig: What do you like to drink?
Lady GaGa: Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks.
Samara Pig: [gets a bottle of Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks and pours poison into it] Drink this.
Lady GaGa: [drinks the poisoned Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks]
Samara Pig: Why didn't you die?!
Lady GaGa: I am unaffected by poison.
[The telephone rings]
Lady GaGa: [answers the phone] Hello, hello, baby, you called, I can't hear a thing
Peppa Pig: [runs to her room]
[3 minutes later]
Lady GaGa: I'm going to make them sandwiches. [changes into her silicone dress, telephone headpiece and yellow wig] They have the ingredients. [makes the sandwich]
Lady GaGa: Yes.
Mummy Pig: [comes home] [talking quickly] Lady GaGa, I'm a hardcore Little Monster and I have all your albums and I'm excited for LG5!
Lady GaGa: Cheek to Cheek was a collaborative album. It's not actually my fourth album, although my Little Monsters treated The Fame Monster as an actual album, not an EP.
Mummy Pig: That's what I did! I always wear an orange hide jacket to cover up...[takes her hide jacket off] GaGa clothes. I'm wearing the Paparazzi Mickey Mouse bodysuit. But I want the sunglasses badly.
Lady GaGa: I can have the creator of the sunglasses send them to you. [changes into her studded "chandelier" outfit and crown from Bad Romance] Do you want a sandwich?
Mummy Pig: Sure, as long as it is not...POISONED!
Lady GaGa: It's not. Joking about the Telephone music video? [changes into her studded bikini from Telephone] You can have your sandwich...now! [serves Mummy Pig's sandwich]
[a loud noise comes from upstairs]
Mummy Pig, Cherie Pig and Lady GaGa: Are you okay?
Peppa: No! I fell on my knee!
Lady GaGa: You need to stay inside, Peppa. I have to do something. [exits to the front of the house and puts on her Pyro-Bra] I will DESTROY this car with the Pyro-Bra! [shoots sparks at Samara Pig's audi]