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Emily Elephant: Jag älskar dig, mamma och pappa! (I love you, Mummy and Daddy!)

Mummy Elephant: Dags att gå till lekgruppen, Emily! (Time to go to playgroup, Emily!) Här är din barbära dator. (Here is your laptop.)

[shows a yellow rotary dial telephone]

Emily Elephant: [using her laptop] Vad sa du? (What did you say?)

Miss Lion: [roars] RAAAH! YOU WERE NOT LISTENING!

Emily Elephant: Förlåt. (Sorry.)

Miss Lion: We'll introduce ourselves. Use many interesting adjectives, as we will write this down. Emily, you're first.

Emily Elephant: Jag är Emily Elefant. Jag bor i en fastighet med min familj. Min favoritfärg är lila. Min familj är extremt rika. (I am Emily Elephant. I live in an estate with my family. My favourite colour is purple. My family is ultra wealthy.)

Miss Lion: Peppa Pig, you're next.

Emily Elephant: [sings Beautiful, Dirty, Rich by Lady GaGa in Swedish while she uses her laptop]

Peppa: I am Peppa Pig. I live in a house on a hill.

Miss Lion: Emily, turn that laptop off right now! [roars] RAAAH!

Peppa: My favourite colour is yellow and I can speak Swedish and Japanese.

Emily Elephant: [singing] Pappa, jag är så ledsen, jag är så s-ledsen, vi bara gillar att festa, ja, som till fest, ja, bang bang, vi är vackra och smutsiga rika (Daddy, I'm so sorry, I'm so s-sorry, we just like to party, yeah, like to p-party, yeah, bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich)

Miss Lion: Suzy Sheep, you're next.

Suzy Sheep: I am Suzy Sheep. I am Peppa Pig's best friend and my favourite colour is blue. I can speak French.

Emily Elephant: Jag bang bang, bang, jag bang, bang, bang, jag bang bang bang, vacker, smutsig, rik. (I bang bang, bang, I bang, bang, bang, I bang bang bang, beautiful, dirty, rich.)

[10 minutes later]

Miss Lion: We are going to draw a picture of something that expresses your creativity You will have five minutes.

[5 minutes later]

George: Dibujé un dinosaurio, Señorita León! (I drew a dinosaur, Miss Lion!)

Miss Lion: I know. I'm not blind. Class, you won't go to the thinking chair if you misbehave.

Everyone: Woohoo!

Miss Lion: Calm down. You will miss recess and get spanked.

Everyone: Noooooooooo!

Miss Lion: In our maths, we will be exploring the three times tables in multiplication.

[cuts to everyone at recess]

Mummy Pig: [riding her bike] Peppa has an appointment! [crashes into the toddlers' classroom]

Toddlers: Eek! Too scary!

Madame Gazelle: Peppa is in Miss Lion's class.

Mummy Pig: [takes off her hide jacket and reveals a silicone dress] Peppa! I have a lawyer! Let's go home!

[cuts to Peppa at home]

Mummy Pig: I stole all of the Elephants' money and became an ultrabillionaire! I hired a lawyer, got a modern house built on the Lions' lot, hired bodyguards, bought a 65" flat screen OLED TV and...guess what? I got a chat video with Lady GaGa!

Lawyer: Hello. If you have issues tell me.

Peppa: There's this girl at playgroup called Emily Elephant. She speaks Swedish and calls me names.

Lawyer: Don't let her call you names. Tell your teacher.

Mummy Pig: I was filed a lawsuit because from the Brazilian government because of ©. [calls Cherie Pig] Cherie, look after Peppa.

[Cherie Pig enters]

[The phone rings at Emily Elephant's house]

Cherie Pig: Your credit card has been declined.

Mummy Elephant: [checks the mailbox] £679,00000 bills.

[cuts back to Cherie and Peppa hugging each other]

Cherie: Do you want to dance?

Peppa: Yeah!

Cherie: [turns the TV channel to PTV]

Samara Pig: I want vodka.

Cherie: NO! NO!

Peppa: Hold that thought - let's play a game.

Samara Pig: [drunk] What game?

Lady GaGa: [off-screen] A LoveGame.

Peppa Pig: RAAH!

Lady GaGa: Raah, ah, ah, ah, Roma, roma, ma, ma, ma, GaGa, ooh, la, la, want your bad romance

Peppa Pig: Get lost!

Lady GaGa: OK. [appears on-screen wearing her meat dress]

Peppa Pig: GET LOST!!!!

Lady GaGa: NO! NO!

Peppa Pig: GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!

Cherie Pig: GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [eats the meat dress]

Lady GaGa: [changes into her Mickey Mouse bodysuit and Minnie Mouse sunglasses from Paparazzi]

Samara Pig: What do you like to drink?

Lady GaGa: Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks.

Samara Pig: [gets a bottle of Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks and pours poison into it] Drink this.

Lady GaGa: [drinks the poisoned Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks]

Samara Pig: Why didn't you die?!

Lady GaGa: I am unaffected by poison.

[The telephone rings]

Lady GaGa: [answers the phone] Hello, hello, baby, you called, I can't hear a thing

Peppa Pig: [runs to her room]

[3 minutes later]

Lady GaGa: I'm going to make them sandwiches. [changes into her silicone dress, telephone headpiece and yellow wig] They have the ingredients. [makes the sandwich]

Peppa: Sandwiches?

Lady GaGa: Yes.

Mummy Pig: [comes home] [talking quickly] Lady GaGa, I'm a hardcore Little Monster and I have all your albums and I'm excited for LG5!

Lady GaGa: Cheek to Cheek was a collaborative album. It's not actually my fourth album, although my Little Monsters treated The Fame Monster as an actual album, not an EP.

Mummy Pig: That's what I did! I always wear an orange hide jacket to cover up...[takes her hide jacket off] GaGa clothes. I'm wearing the Paparazzi Mickey Mouse bodysuit. But I want the sunglasses badly.

Lady GaGa: I can have the creator of the sunglasses send them to you. [changes into her studded "chandelier" outfit and crown from Bad Romance] Do you want a sandwich?

Mummy Pig: Sure, as long as it is not...POISONED!

Lady GaGa: It's not. Joking about the Telephone music video? [changes into her studded bikini from Telephone] You can have your sandwich...now! [serves Mummy Pig's sandwich]

[a loud noise comes from upstairs]

Peppa: OW!

Mummy Pig, Cherie Pig and Lady GaGa: Are you okay?

Peppa: No! I fell on my knee!

Lady GaGa: You need to stay inside, Peppa. I have to do something. [exits to the front of the house and puts on her Pyro-Bra] I will DESTROY this car with the Pyro-Bra! [shoots sparks at Samara Pig's audi]

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